A poor man meets a rich man around Christmas

The poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."   The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "A pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The poor man astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

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I got banned from /r/Jokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

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every time I hear this, I burst out laughing.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke up Watson and said: "Watson lookup in the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied: " see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well if there are a million stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole our tent."

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Guys I just invented a new word

Guys I just invented a new word

Plagiarism

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A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at the door.

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking a day off tomorrow so I can be home, just in case this guy shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, "Honey, I am going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!

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A man makes a bet with his boss

He bets $500 that he can lick his eyeball.

Laughing the boss agrees.

The man takes off a fake eyeball and licks it.

The boss angrily gives him the $500.

The man then bets $500 he can bite his own ears.

The boss pulls his ears to check if the man is wearing any fake ones, then agrees.

The man takes out a set of fake teeth from his mouth and bites his ear with them.

Angry, the boss gives him $500 and tells him to go away.

The next day, the man comes back.

Boss: What now? Didn't you take enough money from me?

Man: Trust me. This one should be easy. I bet you all your money back that you are wearing purple underwear.

Boss: Haha! My underwear is black!

Man: May I see some proof?

The boss goes to the washroom and brings back his underwear in his hands.

The man cheerfully hands $1000 to the boss.

Boss: Why are you so happy?

Man: Look around you. All around the office's glass walls your 43 employees are watching.

Boss: And..?

Man: I bet each of them $500 that I can make you take off your underwear.

EDIT: format.

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A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

“Thank you honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?”

He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!”

When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”

“Very good,” she replies.

“And what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” she asks.

“The one I asked for - an Italian girl!”

“Oh, that. I did what I could. We’ll just have to wait 9 months to see if it’s a girl.”

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