None. Trump tells them it's fixed and the rest just sit in the dark and applaud.
Thứ Hai, 17 tháng 8, 2020
A guy in a bar bets the bartender $50 that he can lick his eyeball
The bartender agrees
The man takes his glass eye out, and bites it
The bartender angrily gives the man his money
The man bets the bartender $500 dollars that he can bite his other eyeball too
The bartender agrees to the bet, because the man was not blind
The man pulls out his dentures and lightly chomps them on his other eyeball
The bartender is fuming, but gives the man his money
The man then orders a beer, and walks away
The man walks back, and bets the bartender $1000 that he can piss directly into a shot glass while running, with 2 attempts
The bartender knows for a fact that this is impossible, and agrees to the bet
On attempt 1, the man gets piss everywhere, and none in the shot glass
The bartender smirks, with high hopes
On attempt 2, the man once again pisses everywhere in the bar, except for the glass
The bartender jumps up and down in excitement, knowing that he has won
Then another man in the corner of the bar screams 'FUCK'
When the bartender asks what the problem is, the man says,
"That asshole just bet me $10,000 that he could piss all over the bar, and that you would be happy"
An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all on a hot air balloon.
The conductor almost panicked says, “there’s too much weight! Someone needs to jump off, or we’re going to crash!” The Welshman bravely steps up, “For the glory of wales!” And the Welshman throws himself off. The conductor still panicked says, “okay, we’re close but there is still too much weight!” The Irishman, in a patriotic manner yells, “For Ireland!” And throws the Englishman off
Chủ Nhật, 16 tháng 8, 2020
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.
Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.
They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)