Smoking bacon will cure it.
Thứ Năm, 27 tháng 8, 2020
So the Pope arrives at heavens gate
St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."
God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: "Yes Dad, what's up?"
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"
Hitler goes to see a fortune teller.
He asks:
"When will I die?"
The fortune teller says:
"You will die on a Jewish holiday."
The dictator suddenly becomes very puzzled, and asks:
"How do you know that I will die on a Jewish holiday?"
"Because my friend...", replied the fortune teller,
"... any day that you die will be obviously be a Jewish holiday."
A guy enters a bar with a gun
A guy enters a bar with a gun and shouts "who slept with my wife?". Everybody stays silent. The guy repeats louder "who the fu*k slept with my wife?". Suddenly someone from other side of the bar answers "you don't have enough bullets"
Thứ Tư, 26 tháng 8, 2020
An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'II show you how to do it the honest way and get the same result."
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick. The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".
The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."
Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.
Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.
When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.
But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he undid the bottom of his mummy and let a tiny bit air out of her. But to his dismay he still couldn't fit in, so he crept round to his daddy's side of the bed and undid his daddy's knot and let a little bit of air out. Again he tried to squeeze in but still couldn't quite fit. So he undid himself and let a little bit of air out. Then he fitted in nice and snugly and fell sound asleep.
When his mum woke up she was furious! "Get into your own room at once and think of what you have done young man!" she shouted.
"I am so disappointed in you! Not only have you let me down and your father down, you've let yourself down too!"
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