A guy enters a bar with a gun and shouts "who slept with my wife?". Everybody stays silent. The guy repeats louder "who the fu*k slept with my wife?". Suddenly someone from other side of the bar answers "you don't have enough bullets"
Thứ Năm, 27 tháng 8, 2020
Thứ Tư, 26 tháng 8, 2020
An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'II show you how to do it the honest way and get the same result."
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick. The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".
The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."
Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.
Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.
When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.
But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he undid the bottom of his mummy and let a tiny bit air out of her. But to his dismay he still couldn't fit in, so he crept round to his daddy's side of the bed and undid his daddy's knot and let a little bit of air out. Again he tried to squeeze in but still couldn't quite fit. So he undid himself and let a little bit of air out. Then he fitted in nice and snugly and fell sound asleep.
When his mum woke up she was furious! "Get into your own room at once and think of what you have done young man!" she shouted.
"I am so disappointed in you! Not only have you let me down and your father down, you've let yourself down too!"
A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane
And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.
He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”
Well, the blonde isn’t really interested. She turns away as if to take a nap. The lawyer says “okay okay okay, how about this. If I ask you a question and you get it wrong, you give me $5. But if you ask a question and I get it wrong, I’ll give you $100,00.”
Obviously now the blonde is interested, so she decides to play. The lawyer asks his question first. “What’s the distance between the Earth and the Moon?” Well, the blonde doesn’t know. So she hands the lawyer $5.
Now it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer “what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
The lawyer is stumped. What could possibly go up a hill with three legs and come down with four? He begins to sweat. He starts asking other passengers. He pays for the in-flight internet to email his lawyer friends. Nobody knows. Nobody can help him.
Reluctantly, he writes a $100,00 check to the blonde. She smirks, takes his check, pockets it, and turns over, again wishing to get back to her nap.
The lawyer shakes her. “Hey wait,” he said. “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
The blonde hands him $5.
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