I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police

All I asked was, "How much for one night stand?"

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Please donate to atheism.org

Don’t worry, it’s a non-prophet organisation.

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My friend didn’t believe me that Slash was in AC/DC

C’mon he is right there in the middle

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Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.

Smoking bacon will cure it.

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To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket

You can hide but you can’t run

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So the Pope arrives at heavens gate

St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."

St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."

St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.

St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."

God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)

Jesus: "Yes Dad, what's up?"

God and St. Peter explain the situation.

Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."

Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.

Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

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Hitler goes to see a fortune teller.

He asks:

"When will I die?"

The fortune teller says:

"You will die on a Jewish holiday."

The dictator suddenly becomes very puzzled, and asks:

"How do you know that I will die on a Jewish holiday?"

"Because my friend...", replied the fortune teller,

"... any day that you die will be obviously be a Jewish holiday."

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