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Thứ Hai, 31 tháng 8, 2020

Grapes don't cry when they're crushed

But they do wine

Jesus and Moses go Fishing

Jesus and Moses are sitting by a riverbank, fishing, and shooting the shit about the good ol' days.

Moses says, "I had a few great days, but I have to say, that day I parted the Red Sea was the best of them. Man, that was spectacular! You should have seen the look on everyone's faces."

Jesus replies, "Yeah, Mo. But that was a long time ago. You think you still got what it takes?"

Moses indignantly rises to his feet. "Watch this!". He holds his fishing pole across the river....and the water parts!

Moses hops down onto the riverbed, and struts toward the far bank. Once there, he plucks out a blade of grass, and tucks it in his cheek, before sauntering back to where Jesus waits. He climbs up on the bank, turns back toward the river, make a gesture with his hands, and the water comes back together.

Jesus says, "Mo, that was pretty impressive...but I'll have you know as a younger man I used to walk on water."

Moses smiles, and makes a sweeping gesture towards the river.

Jesus walks to the edge, looks at the water, and it flattens out like a sheet of glass. He hops down onto the surface and begins to stride across the river.

He gets about ¼ of the way across, and the water is up over his ankles. He gets ½ way across, and the water is approaching his knees. Jesus realizes that he's not going to make it to the far bank and back, so he turns around, and hustles back to where he started.

By the time he gets there, the water is waist-high. Moses hauls him out of the river, laughing.

Jesus scowls, wringing out his robe, and says, "Give me a break, man. That's before I had these damn holes in my feet."

The woman at the furniture store keeps calling!

All I wanted was the one night stand.

You’re all wrong, the Earth isn’t flat or round...

It’s fucked

I went to see the doctor about my crippling fear of palindromes.

Bastard put me on Xanax!

I don't drink alcohol for religious reasons.

I drink it for other reasons.

Why were the ants unaffected by the covid virus?

They have lil anty bodies.