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Thứ Ba, 1 tháng 9, 2020

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

do you know how much of a virgin i am?

even when I flip a coin it wouldn't give me head

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

A young boy returns home from school and say to his father.

A young boy returns home from school and says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?"

"Not yet."

"Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also."

"Why?" asks the father.

"Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my cock??'"

"Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come."

The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet."

"Don't bother, I got expelled."

Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?"

"Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher."

"The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

(Nsfw) A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers.

A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flower. She sighs and say "My boyfriend is buying me flowers again, now I 'll be expected to spend the weekend lay on my back with my legs in the air"

The blonde says: "Dont you have a vase?!"

A pastor is hiring a new bell boy to ring the church bell.

So a boy walks in with no arms, that wants to apply for the job. The pastor says "I don't think you qualify". The boy responds with "nonsense, let me show you"

They head up the bell tower. The boy proceeds to get a running start and headbutts the bell to make it ring. The pastor shakes his head in disbelief, and says "I can't allow this" and he starts walking back down. The boy doesn't realize he's alone and shows his skills one more time, trips, loses his balance ,and falls out of the window.

When the pastor gets down from the tower, he hears a commotion of people outside. He walks over to check on the matter and sees a crowd of people huddling over a boy. A man turns around and asks the pastor "this kid fell from the tower, do you recognize him?"

The pastor replies "Yeah, his face rings a bell"

A poor man goes to a sex club

After standing in line to get in het gets to the doorman. "What can I get for $5" the poor man says.

"You can get into the mystery room" says the doorman and he proceeds to lead the poor man to a door. Once he opens the door he sees a big round chamber with in the middle a donkey with a small stool behind it.

So the poor man accepts that 5 dollars wouldn't get him a lot so het stands up on the stool, drops his pants and f*cks the donkey.

A week later the poor man returns to the sex club, now with 15 dollars in his pocket!

"What can I get for $15" the poor man askes the Doorman. "You get to go upstairs" says the doorman. And he leads the poor man to the staircase next to the door he went in last time.

Upstairs he enters a room with massage beds in a big circle. He sees some men already laying there, naked and face down. So the poor man does the same. And when he looks down he sees a window in the floor with a view on a fat chick laying on a bed. After a few minutes a man comes in the room where the fat chick lays and he starts f*cking her.

"This is not a bad show" says the poor man out loud. "Well this week is alright" says his neighbour "last week it was a guy fucking a donkey"