The Scottish guy started counting, and then fell asleep.
Thứ Ba, 15 tháng 9, 2020
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
[NSFW] A woman is pregnant with triplets...
One day whilst out walking, she is caught in the middle of a shooting. She is rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. When she wakes up the doctor tells her that all of her babies will live, however each one was hit by a bullet and they were unable to remove them.
The woman eventually ends up giving birth to two healthy girls and a healthy boy.
Many years later the first daughter approaches her mum and says, "mum, I was just having a wee and a bullet came out." So the mother explains what happened.
A few days later the second daughter approaches her mum and says, “mum, I was just having a wee and a bullet came out." Again, the mother explains what happened.
Another few days passed until her son came running down the stairs panicking. “What’s the matter asked the mum?”
The son screamed, “I was just having a wank and I shot the dog."
Thứ Hai, 14 tháng 9, 2020
A guy wanted some time off work but had no leave left. He thought if he acted crazy his boss would send give him a few days off. He decided to hang upside down from the ceiling making buzzing noises...
... a co-worker saw him and asked what he was doing. He explained that he was pretending to be a light bulb to get a few days sick leave.
His boss walked in in a saw him buzzing away upside down on the ceiling. He asked what he was doing. He told him he was being a light bulb. His boss told him he had obviously been working too hard and to go home for a few days rejuvenation. The guy climbed down and trotted out of the office.
His co-worker packed her belongings and started to follow him. “And where do you think you’re going?” The boss asked.
“I’m going home too. If the light isn’t working, you can’t expect me to work in the dark!”
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