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Thứ Năm, 17 tháng 9, 2020

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. The guy was shocked, but he didn’t want to continue the the torture, so he agreed.

After the procedure, the pain suddenly went away. He was relieved that the headache was finally gone, but still felt terrible, because he didn’t feel like a man anymore.

In order to cheer himself up, he went to an expensive store to get himself a tailored suit. The taylor, who spent 50 years working there was a real pro and said that he doesn’t need to take measurements, he can just correctly guess every size.

At first the guy didn’t believe but the taylor gave him a pair of pants that fit just perfectly. Then the taylor gave him a dress shirt, that fit exactly right, without any measurements. Then the taylor gave him a jacket, that also fit perfectly, the guy was amazed.

The taylor said : “Let’s also get you some silk underwear, it is very nice. From looking at you , I can tell you wear large. ” The guy suddenly says: “Nope! You’re finally wrong. I wear small, looks like even you aren’t perfect” The taylor: “Sir, I’ve been a taylor for 50 years, your underwear size is definitely large. If you were wearing small, it would squeeze your balls so tight that you would suffer from constant headaches”

A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"

"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"

"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

I proposed to my ex-wife.

But she said no.

She thinks I'm just after my money.

An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.

"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.

The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.

"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"

The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.

"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"

He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.

"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"

"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"

"There are no black Russians"

Bro, do you want a pamphlet?

Brochure

My friend wanted to know how I got all my ‘karma’

I simply replied “piece of cake”

The bar staff asks why the non-linear structure?

Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.