Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals per day
Thứ Sáu, 18 tháng 9, 2020
A professional assassin charged $1000 a bullet....
A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $1000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, we'll I've got $2000 here. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on two more minutes. I think I can save you $1000."
A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield...
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
A wife desperately tries to prove to her husband that her affair is over.
He had already forgiven her, but still hadn’t spoken to her in days. The only thing she could think of, is that he must still not trust her. To convince him, she cut her ex lover’s obituary out of the newspaper. Her affair ended long before the accident, but she thought she could ease her husband’s mind once and for all.
“You see,” she told him, “he was struck by a drunk driver.”
“I wasn’t drunk.” He replied.
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.
The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”
The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”
Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.” The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough water, it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either.”
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher, “Do farts have lumps?” The teacher looks at him and says, “No, but that isn’t really question you want to ask in class discussion.”
So the student replies, “Then I’ve definitely shit in my pants.”
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