Attire.
Thứ Sáu, 25 tháng 9, 2020
A bank robber with a ski mask runs into a sperm bank
And sticks up a young woman working at the front desk with a gun.
Robber: "Hand over all the money in the safe! No funny stuff or I'll kill you!!"
Woman: "No, sir, you don't understand. This is a sperm bank. All we have are cups of semen."
Robber, agitated: "What? Bullshit! You're going to open the safe and give me all the money that's in there, NOW!!"
Woman, terrified: "Sir, please, it's a sperm bank! All we have are cups of jizz. Look, here!" She grabs a sample from a fridge behind her and places it on the counter.
The robber looks at the cup of semen, pauses, then points his gun back on the woman. "Drink it!" He says.
Woman: "W-what...?"
Robber: "You heard me, drink the jizz right now."
Woman: "Ew, that's disgusting, I would never -"
Robber: "I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON"T DRINK THAT JIZZ RIGHT NOW!!!"
The young woman, terrified and disgusted, takes the lid off the cup of jizz, closes her eyes, plugs her nose and chugs it in one gulp.
Robber, taking off his mask and revealing that he's her husband: "There, see babe, that wasn't so bad now was it?"
A man goes into a bar and orders three shots of tequila...
"What's the special occasion?" the bartender asks him.
"I'm celebrating my first blowjob,"he replies.
"Well congratulations,"the bartender says."The next ones on the house."
"Nahh thanks anyway but if three shots won't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."
An 18 year old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, "Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Rolls-Royce stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Royce and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take care of it."
"I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Royce, a mansion, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand menacingly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
God: Gabriel, have you finished setting up future events for the 2020s?
Gabriel: Yes, God, I have - wait, did you say 2020s plural? As in the decade?
God: Of course, what else?
Gabriel: I thought you meant 2020 the year.
God: You put a decade worth of history in one year?
Gabriel: Yes
God: Well, shit.
A married man was having an affair with his secretary
One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
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