I’m into girls, and I’m into guys, yet I’m still single.

So I guess you could say I’m all bi-myself.

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Everybody knows Alan Turing who cracked the enigma codes

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided all his snacks, sandwiches and drinks

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Why are the Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

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A man hasn’t been to church for a long while and decides he’d better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he’s amazed to find that it’s got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.

As he’s looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.

The man says, “Father, forgive me, it’s a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.

The priest says, “Get out,you idiot. You’re on my side.”

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How does a flat-earther travel the world?

On a plane.

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A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!”

The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”

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They told me it was foolish to fill the room with nitrous oxide...

Well, who's laughing now.

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