But they never work
Thứ Sáu, 2 tháng 10, 2020
A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."
"What happened?" The father asks.
"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'
"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''
The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?"
"Not yet."
"Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also."
"Why?" asks the father.
"Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my cock??'"
"Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come."
The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet."
"Don't bother, I got expelled."
Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?"
"Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher."
"The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
LONG : An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
Looking at the shiny car ,the old man asks the doctor "What ya driving there sonny?
The doctor replies, “1500+hp Porsche. It cost half a million dollars!
'Why does it cost so much?' Says the old man.
'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'
'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!' said the old man.
Just then the light changes, and the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOSSSHHH !
The old man whips by him going much faster!
How the hell is he going faster than my Porsche?' the doctor asks himself.
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Porsche, he gives it more gas
and passes the Moped at 275 mph
and he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN and WHOOSSSH! the old man passes him.
Astounded by the speed of this old guy,
he floors the gas pedal and takes the sports-car all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Porsche is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Porsche, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers,
'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.
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