A husband and wife frequently have sex.

However, every single time, the husband requests that the lights be off. He can never have sex when the lights are on. The wife doesn't like this, but she generally complies because somehow, the sex is always amazing. One night, though, she decides to surprise her husband and find out why he needs the lights off all the time. So, while they are having sex, she quickly flicks the lights on, only to find her husband fully clothed and holding a giant dildo in his hand.

"Explain this to me! What is the meaning of this?" She says firmly and defiantly.

The husband then says, "I'll explain this when you explain the kids."

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How do people in Alabama celebrate Halloween?

They pump kin.

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I’ve heard that icy is the easiest word to spell

Looking at it now, I see why.

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After weeks of practice, I finally beat my record for how far I can shoot my jizz.

I can’t believe how far I’ve come.

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A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have.” Poof! The jewels appear.

“For my second wish, I want karma. Lots of karma.” Poof! The karma appears.

The genie stares at the teacher, waiting for the third wish. “I can give you anything in the world,” he says again.

The teacher thinks for a long time. “As a teacher, I always hated careless mistakes from my students. I noticed that I accidentally wrote ‘lamb’ instead of ‘lamp.’ Please correct my mistake.”

The genie moaned in anguish. “This is Reddit,” he shouted. Once you post it, you can’t edit the title.

“In that case,” the teacher smiled, “It looks like I’ve got myself a genie for eternity.”

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A very religious man went on a safari

When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings". That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."

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This wealthy couple are employing a housemaid. She decides to ask for a raise.

She goes to the lady and asks: “Ma’am, I’d like a raise.”

The lady responds: “A raise? But why on earth? I see no reason why.”

The housemaid says: “Well, for starters, I cook better than you, ma’am.”

The lady gets annoyed and replies: “Where does that come from?”

“Well, Ma’am, your husband told me he likes the food better when I make it than when you do.”

Seriously annoyed, the lady interjects: “I’m not giving you a raise. That’s just your job.”

The housemaid tries again: “And I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m also better at laundry than you.”

“Nonsense. What makes you think that?”

“Again I’m sorry ma’am, but your husband says, his shirts are better ironed when I’m the one who cleaned them, than when you are.”

Even more annoyed, the lady says: “okay I’ll have a talk with him. But you’re still not getting a raise for doing your job.”

“Well... I’m very sorry ma’am, but maybe you should also consider the fact that I’m better at sex than you.”

The lady responds, red with anger: “EXCUSE ME? My HUSBAND told you that?”

The housemaid answers: “Oh, no. The gardener, ma’am.”

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