Too many stupid questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?? Why is it in a bucket???
Thứ Bảy, 10 tháng 10, 2020
A woman decides to surprise her husband with a brand new luxury wardrobe...
While he's at work she goes to IKEA and finds a beautiful wardrobe, buys it, and returns home. Reading the instructions, she easily assembles the marvelous piece of furniture
Then, as she stood satisfied about her work, a bus passed by the window and the whole wardrobe fell apart. Stunned, the woman assembles the wardrobe again, making sure she follows the instructions exactly. When she finishes all looks perfect, but a few minutes later a bus passes, and again the wardrobe falls to pieces!
At this point the woman has had enough, and calls customer support to explain the wardrobe she bought collapsed whenever a bus passed. The man on the other end insists that they provide any service necessary for the proper installation of their furniture, and sends over the very carpenter who designed the wardrobe to help. The carpenter watches as the woman assembles, seemingly perfectly, the wardrobe. And yet, as the next bus passes it falls to pieces again!
Determined to figure out the issue, the carpenter helps her rebuild the wardrobe and enters inside to see exactly what happens when a bus passes. Suddenly the woman's husband bursts through the front door, demanding to know why the neighbors had texted him saying a strange man had been in their house for hours.
Surging through the house he throws open doors, until he comes across the new wardrobe. He opens the wardrobe to reveal the carpenter inside, and demands to knows what he was doing there. Shocked, the carpenter says:
"Would you believe me if I said I'm waiting for the bus?"
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'
'My darling,' she replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.
Thứ Sáu, 9 tháng 10, 2020
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't," he replied.
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