They can take out the whole world with one bat
Chủ Nhật, 18 tháng 10, 2020
A man was eating at a restaurant ...
When he noticed all the servers had spoons in their pocket.
Curious, he asked his server “why do all of you carry spoons?”
“Oh that’s interesting,” replied the server. “Our manager attended a seminar and found out the spoon is the most frequently dropped utensil. This way we are always prepared.”
Sure enough, not a few minutes later, the man dropped his spoon, and his server was at the ready to hand him a new one.
Eating his soup, the man noticed the male servers all had two strings dangling from the front of their pants. Again curious, the man stopped his server to ask.
“Funny—at the same seminar our manager found out we could be a lot more efficient going to the bathroom if we had one string to pull down the zipper and another to pull out our ... ahem ... ‘item.’ This way we don’t have to wash our hands and we can get right back to work.”
“Fascinating,” said the man. “But uhhh how do you get it back in?”
The server looks around and leans in to whisper “well I don’t know about anyone else, but I use the spoon.”
An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.
The father bought his son a stout, but he didn't like it and didn't want to drink it.
The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.
He didn't like it either. So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider.
Lager, cider, cream ale... he didn't like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whiskey instead.
He didn't like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.
By the time they left the bar. The father was so drunk he could barely push his son's stroller home.
There once was a man with an extremely high-pitched voice
(For retelling, superscript is high-pitched/falsetto voice)
He had since long passed puberty, but while his friends got deep, manly voices, his remained so high that he spoke like this. Ever since then, it had been a tremendous source of insecurity. Now, he was in his thirties, and he really wondered why this was, and if something could be done about it. So he went to the doctor.
"Hi doc, so my voice is really high, has always been, and I just wanted to find out if I can make it deeper somehow"
"Sure, but I will have to examine you before," the doctor replied.
So the doctor took his blood pressure, felt his lungs, but couldn't find anything.
"Hmm," the doctor pondered and looked at him, "I think we are going to have to undress you."
So the man took off his clothes down to his boxers.
"I'm sorry, but the boxers need to come off too."
The man removed his boxers, and revealed this foot-long, cobra-looking schlong hanging between his legs.
"A-ha!" the doctor exclaimed, gesticulating towards the man's unit, "I know why your voice is so high. See, your penis is so big that it pulls down on your vocal cords, effectively tensing them up and giving your voice that high-pitch! Your voice didn't change during puberty because your dick dropped down at the same time!"
The man was shocked.
"Wow, I never realised that there was a link between the two... Well, is there something we can do about it?"
The doctor thought for a while.
"Well, there is one highly experimental procedure," his voice was tense and serious, "in which we would cut the middle part of your penis off and sew the end parts together," the doctor said, illustrating the procedure with his hands, "this way, you would get a lower voice and keep a smaller, yet functioning penis."
(Illustration: 8==l==l=D)
"Geez, I'll have to really think about this," the man replied, "I definitely need to talk to my wife about it first."
So the man thanked the doctor, went home to his wife and discussed it with her. He then returned, a week or so later, and said he was ready for the procedure, so the doctor put him to sleep and proceeded with cutting off and sewing together the man's penis. When the man woke up, he had a dark, booming, manly voice.
"Wow, doc. Thank you so much for this, I've never felt so manly in my entire life."
The man went home with his new voice, happy, energized and masculine. But some two weeks later, he returns to the doctor to talk to him.
"Hey, doc. Listen, I've thought about it, and the voice doesn't make up for the fact that I now have a small penis. I don't feel as manly as I did before, so I'd like to revert the procedure. Do you still have the piece that you cut off?"
The doctor looked at him and replied
"Sorry, I threw it away right after."
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