Nine Months Later

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.

They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

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The Red Indian with one testicle

There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone.'

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years & years of torment,Onestone finally cracked and said,

'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill him!'

The word got around and nobody called him that anymore.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name

Until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?

You can't kill two birds with one stone!!

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I got the new PS5 for my little brother

It is the best trade ever

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I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack.

All I could find were Finnish Hymns.

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A nun is walking to church.

As she passes her local store, the shopkeeper says, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"

She finds it odd, but keeps walking. On her walk, three more people pass her and say, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"

Still baffled as she gets to the church, she walks to another nun at the pulpit and asks, "Why does everyone keep asking me if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?!"

The other nun looks down and says, "You're wearing the priest's shoes"

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A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.

As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says “I think it’s raining.” “No, it is definitely snowing.” Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says “let’s not bicker, let’s ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially snowing or raining.” They walked up to their tour guide, and ask “Comrade Rudolph, would you kindly tell us if it is snowing or raining?” “It is raining of course!” He replies. The husband turns to the wife and says “See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!”

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The "penguin"

A guy who's strapped for cash asks a prostitute what he can get for $10. She replies, "Well, for 10 bucks I'll give you a 'penguin.'" "Okay... Sure, I'll take it."

So she gets down on her knees, lowers his pants, and begins giving him a blowjob. But right before he is about to cum, she gets up and walks away. The guy is confused, and starts to waddle after her, with his pants still around his ankles. "Wait, so this is a penguin?!?"

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