The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour drive, your mother isn't as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'

'Don't worry about it Daddy, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. A limousine will pick you up at your door.'

'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?'

'Oh, Daddy', replies the president-elect, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom made by the best designer in Washington .'

'Honey,' Dad complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'

The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Daddy. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in Washington , I'll ensure your meals are salt free Daddy, I really want you to come.'

So Dad reluctantly agrees, and on January 20, 2021, the first woman from Alabama is being sworn in as President of the United States . In the front row sit the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad leans over to the Supreme Court Justice sitting next to him and whispers, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States .'

The Justice whispers back, 'Yes I do.'

Daddy says proudly, 'Her brother played football for the University of Alabama .'

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Why did the graveyard get a COVID test?

Because of all the coffin.

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Long ago, a king issued a challenge to see who can first cross a crocodile-infested river.

On the day of the challenge, the participants were shocked to see how dangerous the river actually was. Crocodile backs were visible nearly every part of the river and the width of the river seemed to stretch miles away to the other bank.

The king, eager to see some violent gory entertainment while knowing that no one will ever beat the challenge, said the winner can get a million pounds of gold. When no one looked motivated, the king confidently said he would surrender his throne to the winner.

When the king declared the start of the challenge, no one crossed the river. Everyone stared at the river and at each other, scared. Suddenly, a splash of water was heard. The king and the participants turned their heads to see a man running across the river at lightning speed, hopping off the backs of the crocodiles swiftly and treading across the water so fast it looked like he was walking.

The king headed to the other bank of the river to see the man on the ground, exhausted but alive. Unwilling to surrender his powers, the king said "I'll give you two million pounds of gold."

"I don't want that." the man replied, gasping for air.

"I can't give you my throne, but you can be one of my closest ministers." the king offered.

"I don't want that." the man replied.

"So you want my throne?" the king asked.

"I don't want that."

"Then what do you want?" the king asked, frustrated.

"I want to know who the hell pushed me!"

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A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries and did research, but found the prices to be too high.

My daughter is inviting all of her friends, and I'll look bad if I don't put together a good cake, he thought. Then, he stumbled upon a shop that opened once a year to provide free cake to its customers.

How quaint, the father thought, but desperate, he walked inside to see if they could provide a cake for his daughter's birthday.

He was met by a Buddhist monk chanting and lighting incense.

"Hello," the father asked, "I would like to buy a cake."

"Of course," the monk replied, "just draw a picture of the cake you would like on the notepad on the desk."

The father thought this to be weird, but wanting to save as much money as possible, he gave him the address and told him to come in the backdoor, just in case the cake was bad.

The day of the party arrived and the monk visited the house with the most extravagant cake the family had ever seen. All of the guests were in awe, and whispered to each other about how much the cake could have cost.

The monk became the guest of honor and at the end of the party, the father approached the monk and asked,

"Why do you do this for free? You should take money for your services!"

The monk smiled and said, "I do this for free because a cake day is the best way to earn karma."

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How do ghouls sign off a letter?

Best witches and worm regards

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I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.

They're both about candy and being something you're not.

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OMG there's a wolf!

Where?

No, the regular kind.

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