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Thứ Ba, 3 tháng 11, 2020

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes since 15+ years ago.

There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

“I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.”

“Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”

Thứ Hai, 2 tháng 11, 2020

What has 4 wheels and flies?

Garbage truck

My therapist told me to “write letters to the people I hate and then burn them”.

I did that, but I don’t know what to do with the letters now.

I just read a list of “100 Things To Do Before You Die”...

I was quite surprised that “Yell for help” wasn’t one of them.

My Sister always got bullied at school for being adopted.

Homeschooling for us was fun though

I ran over 2 Miles yesterday

Such a coincidence that both unfortunate fellas had the same name.

There was a porta-potty near the edge of a small cliff

Everyday young Bobby would walk by it on the way home from school, and every day he would resist the temptation to kick it off the edge of the cliff.

This all changed one day when Bobby had a particularly bad day at school. He had learned about boring topics, like how George Washington cut down a cherry tree and wasn't punished because he was honest, and Bobby had also failed a math test. He was heading to his friend's house, and since he was in a bad mood, he decided he would actually kick the porta-potty down the cliff this time. He gave it a solid kick and saw it tumble end over end down the cliff until it finally reached a stop at the bottom. Bobby now felt satisfied and continued on his way to his friend's house.

Bobby had a great time at his friend's house but then had to go home. However, when he got home his father was in a particularly bad mood.

His father asked Bobby if he knew why the porta-potty was at the bottom of the cliff.

Bobby was very nervous and wanted to lie, but he thought about George Washington and the cherry tree and decided he should come clean.

Bobby told his father: "It was me, dad. I won't lie to you. I kicked the porta-potty down the cliff because I was in a bad mood."

So it came as a shock to Bobby when his father suddenly grabbed him and spanked him.

Bobby, now in tears because of the pain, said: "Why dad? Why did you hurt me, George Washington's dad didn't punish him when he cut down the cherry tree."

The father looked Bobby dead in the eyes and said "That's because George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree"