3 nuns die and go to Heaven

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they're quite easy. "Who was the first woman?" He says to the first nun. "Eve." The gates swing open and she walks in. "Where did Eve live?" He says to the second nun. "The Garden of Eden." The gates swing open once more. "Now, seeing as you're the Mother Superior, you must answer a more difficult question, what was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?" St. Peter says to the third nun. "Oh, that's a hard one..." The...

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You’re mom’s so slow...

...that it took her 9 months to make a joke....

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My small grandson got lost in the shopping mall.... (NSFW-ish)

My small grandson got lost in the shopping mall.... He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The guard asked, "What's his name?" "Grandpa" The guard smiles then asked, "What's he like?" The boy hesitated for a moment then replies, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits"...

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A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is. He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologizes. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologizes again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying “yeah this isn’t really for me, I’m not having 67 more of those in my face”...

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks: "Book!" The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter. "Book, book!" 'All right', thinks the librarian, picking up a copy of Shakespeare's Hamlet and waggling it in front of the fowl. The chicken inspects the title, nods its thanks, tucks the book under its wing, hops off the counter and promptly waddles out of the building. The...

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Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage....

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I got mugged by 6 dwarves today

Not Happy....

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