They have enough on their plate already
Thứ Hai, 16 tháng 11, 2020
A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do..he's in too far:."
Chủ Nhật, 15 tháng 11, 2020
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday
"I need to inspect your farm for illegally growing drugs." I said "Okay, but don't go in that field over there ..", The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this fucking badge ?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish. On any land! No questions asked or answers given !! Have I made myself clear ?. do you understand? !!" I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores.
A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull.
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs .. "Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE !!"
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."
3 blondes were walking on a path
They came across a set of tracks and were debating about what animal they were from.
Blonde 1: These are definitely deer tracks.
Blonde 2: They are not. These are clearly elk tracks.
Blonde 3: Both of you are blind. These are obviously moose tracks.
That’s when the train hit them.
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