I had a job interview the other day and the interviewer asked me, 'What's your worst quality?'

'Honesty.' I said.

'I don't think honesty is a bad trait.' He replied.

'I don't give a fuck what you think.'

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A group of sex addicts died and went to Heaven

God immediately condemned them and sent them to Hell. They begged and pleaded with him.

"Please,God!" They cried, "Send us back and give us one last chance".

God responded: "I will send you back to Earth for another life. However there is one condition. You must take vows of celibacy now and live as virgins for the rest of your lives. One day, on November 30th 2020, you will all meet again, and this will prove you are all virgins".

They were then sent back down to Earth. God waited for that meeting. On November 30th 2020, the Reddit admin meeting begun.

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99.9% of people are dumb

Fortunately, I belong to 1% of smart people

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The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from...

....except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.

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The pope got covid

So the pope got covid and he had a dry cough so he was rushed to the hospital and he says to the guy taking him in to get checked out, "am I in heaven?" And the guy turns round and simply says, "no your holiness, we're just taking a shortcut through the children's ward!"

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I got kicked out of the hospital!

Apparently the sign “STROKE PATIENTS HERE” meant something completely different.

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On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”

He said, “Those are to keep your shirt closed.”

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