How many dead hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Apparently more than 5 because my basement is still dark.

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Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....

Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress

Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise

Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?

Guy: That's Michelle....

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Three crows planned a meeting and only two of them showed up

They were charged for attempted murder

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Minnie and Mickey Mouse are getting a divorce

The judge asks Mickey:

-So, the reason why you wanted to divorce Minnie is because she's... Silly?

-I didn't say she was silly. - Mickey replies.

-I said she was fucking Goofy.

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Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5 and 7?

Because they literally can't even

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The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron,

which is ironic.

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A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails.

When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

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