There are two sisters...

...one is blonde and hte other is brunette and they inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‟When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.” The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides...

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Why are conservatives moving from Twitter to Parlor?

Because historically the parlor is where corpses were laid-in-state prior to burial. EDIT: Thanks to everyone fighting the trump-bots downvoting this....

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4 types of orgasm...

Do you know that there are 4 types of orgasm… the Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm. The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…” The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ” The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no” and the fake orgasm, the fake one goes ‟Oh insert the name of whoever you're tellng the joke to”...

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What did the left eye say to the right eye?

"Between you and me, something smells."...

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A woman came back from Black Friday shopping with a new bathroom scale...

'We need to lose weight!" She said to her husband as she took it to the bathroom. A bit later he goes into the bathroom and comes back out and says "Wow. That shit I took weighed 3 lbs." Disgusted, she said "Did you seriously just weigh yourself before and then again after you used the toilet?" Her husband paused and said "Oh. Damn. I guess I coulda done it that way too..."...

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I went to the doctor and he said "don't eat anything fatty."

I asked ‟ no bacon? No burgers?!” To which he replied ‟No fatty, just do not eat anything! ”...

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What's the dirtiest or sexiest joke you have ever heard?

Not the dirtiest but I laughed. Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there are not enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy no the right wakes up and says, ‟I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he is had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, ‟That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”...

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