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Thứ Tư, 2 tháng 12, 2020

A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab!"

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver from last time that kicked him out.

He stood for a moment thinking how can he get his revenge on that driver.

So, he gets in the first cab.

"How much is it to the airport?" he asks.

The driver says, "$15."

"Great, how much is it for a blowjob on the way there?"

The cab driver says, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

So he goes to the next one and asks the same thing.

"How much to airport?"

"$15."

"Great, how much for a blowjob on the way there?"

And that cab driver also tells him to get the fuck out of his cab.

He does this all the way down the line of drivers, each one kicking him out.

He finally gets to the last driver, the one from his last trip.

He asks, "Hey how much to the airport?"

Driver responds, "$15."

The guy hands him $15 and says, "Great let's go!"

And so the driver leaves, slowly passing all the other drivers who are staring out their window while the guy in the back smiles back with a thumbs up.

My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?”

Because they’re so good at it!

Please don’t ban me

My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die.

"Usually an overdose, son." I told him.

"Son, I think it's time to talk about pornography, as men."

"Son, I think it's time to talk about pornography, as men."

"What about it exactly?"

"How the hell do you delete the history so mother doesn't find out?"

(translated, sorry if not properly)

"Harry, I want to tell you something. I'm gay", says Remo Lupin

"What? Are you fucking serious?"

"No Harry, I'm fucking Severus"

Walking through Chinatown, a backpacker saw a Chinese laundry with the sign: "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"

'Sigurd Kristiansen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered. So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter. 'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked. The elderly Chinese replied, 'My name, I am owner.' 'Really? How did you ever get a name like Sigurd Kristiansen?' 'Many years ago when arrived at this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big Norwegian. Lady asked him: "What's your name?" He said: "Sigurd Kristiansen" Then lady asked me: "What's your name?" I said: "Seim Ting".'