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Thứ Sáu, 4 tháng 12, 2020

A priest, an atheist, and a monk walk into a bar.

A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a restaurant

A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a restaurant.

After they put in their orders, the three strike up a conversation about what they believe awaits them in the afterlife.

The priest says, "I try to live my life according to God's word, so that I may go to the good Lord in heaven and live in paradise for all of eternity. I do not curse, I forgive freely, and I pray continually However, I know I am a sinner at heart, and I deserve to burn in hell like the rest of us."

The atheist replies, "Don't worry, that's probably bullshit. There is nothing waiting for us after death, only the void and nothingness. That's why I try to live my life to the fullest."

The two of them ask the monk, who had been silent up to that point, what he believed. The monk started, "Well, I certainly won't be seeing the afterlife anytime soon. I have lived a bad life, however, I am trying to earn enough good karma to reincarnate into a better life. If I earn enough good karma, then maybe I can eventually go to the afterlife."

"Well how are you supposed to do that?" asked the atheist.

Just then, the group is interrupted by the waitress with their meals. For the priest, there is a meal of bread and wine. For the atheist, a hearty plate of ribs sits in front of him. For the monk, there is nothing but a slice of cake on his plate.

In response to two puzzled looks, the monk quickly says, "There's no easier way to earn karma than to have a cake day."

I asked my masseuse if it was normal to get an erection during my massage

He said it was perfectly normal. I said, “Ok, but could you at least stop bumping it into me?”

A baby is born with no arms or legs and no torso. In fact he is just a head. But his parents loved and adored him and cared for him all through his childhood..

When he turned 18 his dad took him down to the local pub for his first pint of beer. He took his first sip and “whoosh” his torso appeared. He took a second sip and his arms and legs appeared.

He was so excited he stood up and ran outside into the road where he was knocked over by an oncoming truck. He was splattered all over the road.

The barman looks at the Dad and says “You know what? That boy should have quit while he was ahead!”

A man gets sent to kill Hitler with a time machine

He enters inside the machine, gets cheered by his colleagues and promised great recognisement; since the mission is very dangerous ,he's gonna be a national Hero! The machine starts ,he sees dark for a bit and there it is , in front of Adolf Hitler's room. He opens the door and sees a young man ready to participate to ww1, The time traveller knows that he has few time before being sent back ( or forward) to the future. He takes a long breath, enters the room , takes his gun and shoots the young man in the head fur times, steal something to simulate a mugging ang gets sent back. He happily runs to his colleagues and says : "I did it, I killed Adolf Hitler!" . A colleague says perplexed: "Why the fuck did you used the time machine and who the fuck is Hitler"?

Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf Hitler never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

EDIT: ... Ok, so I'm making another trip.

Thứ Năm, 3 tháng 12, 2020