A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, my arse hurts!"

The doctor says, "Whereabouts did it hurt?"

"Around the entrance?"

"Yeah, it's gonna keep hurting as long as you call it an entrance."

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I hate those people who come and knock on my door, telling me how I have to be "saved" or else I'll "burn"

Stupid firefighters.

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Two Jews are arguing before the Rabbi

J1: "Black is a color!"

J2: "NO! it is not!"

J1: "It is a color!"

J2: "Rabbi, is black a color?"

Rabbi: "Well, sure..."

J1: "See, I told you. And so is white!"

J2: "White is not a color!"

J1: "Rabbi?"

Rabbi: "Well, yes, white is a color"

J1: "See, I told you Moishe, I sold you a color TV"

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Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?

Because you never turn your back on family.

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I didn’t know r/jokes was full of plumbers

Always bringing up old shit.

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A drunk is walking down the beach.

He finds a magic lamp and a genie pops out.

“You have three wishes” says the genie.

“I want a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry” says the drunk.

Poof! The drunk is holding a bottle full of whiskey. He stands there and guzzles it, and when he looks down it is still full.

“What are your other two wishes?” Asks the genie.

“I’ll just take two more of these.”

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Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

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