(eᴱ)' = Eeᴱ
Thứ Hai, 7 tháng 12, 2020
A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife...
"Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
An Arab family residing in Europe was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home. All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian one. After a few weeks there, they came to visit their Grandfather.
"How do you like it here?" asked the grandson. "It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," answered grandpa. "We're so happy for you," said the Grandson. "We were worried that this was the wrong place for you, since you're a little different from everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," Abdullah said, with a big smile on his face. "There's a musician here--he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro! There is a judge in here--he's 90 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 25 years, and everyone still calls him Your Honor! There's a dentist here too--95 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 30 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor!"
"And Me--I haven't had sex for 35 years, and they still call me The Fucking Arab."
[apologies for the racism; if it's any consolation, am partly arab, so, yeah--just trying to laugh at myself whenever I can... cheers.]
So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."
Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.
Chủ Nhật, 6 tháng 12, 2020
An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a plane.
An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.
Soon enough, he got hungry.
"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.
The man to his right said he would like a Coke.
"Of course." said the Indian.
"After all, Indians and Pakistanis are Brothers!"
When the Indian went to get the coke, the man who asked for the Coke spit in one of his shoes.
Once the Indian came back, the guy to his left asked him for another Coke. He happily obliged. While he was gone, the man spit in his other shoe.
Soon enough, the Indian returned, with the Coke, of course. After everyone had settled down, and the Pakistanis had had half their Cokes, the Indian put his legs in his shoes and sighed.
"How long will we keep doing this, brothers? Spitting in each others shoes, pissing in each others Cokes?"
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
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