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Thứ Ba, 22 tháng 12, 2020

How do you break up a fight between 2 blind men?

Yell out: 'My money is on the one with a knife...'

One minute you're young and fun...

The next minute you're turning down the stereo in the car so you can see better.

What's the difference between Trump and Hitler?

Hitler had the decency to kill himself after he lost.

In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point."

We didn't have those fancy hazmat suits you all wear today

Air Force One crashed on a farm in Nebraska

Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yup. Sure did," the farmer said, cutting off his motor.

"Do you realize that is the airplane of the President of the United States?"

"Yup."

"Were there any survivors?"

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out. I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."

"Oh my god. President Trump is dead?"

"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't... but you know what a liar he is!"

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.

“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” 

“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

I like my coffee like how I like my slaves

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