"I can't believe it's not Buddha."
Thứ Sáu, 25 tháng 12, 2020
A man was in a long line at the supermarket. As he got to the checkout he realized he had forgotten to get condoms.
So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to register.
She asked, “What size condoms?” The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, and she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store intercom and said, “One box of large condoms to register 5.”
The next man in line thought this was interesting and, like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register, he told the checkout girl that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, and she gave him a quick feel, picked up the store intercom, and said,
“One box of medium-sized condoms to register 5.”
A few customers back there was a teenage boy. He thought what he had witnessed was way “too cool". He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got up to the register, he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size, and he said he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him one quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said,
“Clean up at register 5!”
A pro wrestler is down to fight The Mad Monk, and his manager says to him:
"Whatever you do, don't let him put you in the Mad Monk Hold. That's his signature move and no-one's ever gotten out of it."
But about five minutes into the fight, sure enough, our boy's all wrapped up like a human pretzel, with one arm going one way, one leg going another way, his spine all twisted and wound up like a spring and he can't even tell which way his head's on, and he realizes he's in the Mad Monk Hold.
Then he sees a familiar bulge hanging down just in front of his face, and he's pretty desperate, so he takes a deep breath and bites down as hard as he can.
Moments later there is a wild scream and the Mad Monk is flying out of the ring, and he lands in the fourth row of seats with a godawful crash, and before he manages to pick himself up and scramble back into the ring, he's been counted out.
And our boy staggers back to his corner after the referee has held his arm up, and the manager says "What happened? How did you manage it? No-one's ever gotten out of the Mad Monk Hold!"
And the wrestler says, "well, it's amazing the strength you find when you bite your own ballsack."
(A tad NSFW) A friend got really mad at me for smelling his sister’s underwear.
I don’t know if it’s because she was still wearing them, or because the whole family was there. Either way, it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.
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