Wife: "Wire you insulate?"
Electrician: "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I."
Thứ Hai, 28 tháng 12, 2020
After a terrible cruise shipwreck, famous beauty and actress Scarlett Johansson finds herself alone on a deserted island. Hours pass, and only one other man makes it to the island with her. They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was, of course.
At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed this guy learned how to provide food and shelter, and started taking care of her, and she took care of him in return. Eventually she started really caring about him. After all, there wasn't anyone else on the island. He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make life easier. One night she threw herself at him and they made love. After that, they were for all intents and purposes a couple, with an above average sex life. But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him, and she noticed. "What's wrong?" Scarlett asked. "Nothing..." the guy would say.
She pestered him for a while, eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him, and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed him to try. "Really... you'll do anything I'd like?" "Sure," she said--"anything!" "Ok! First, I want you to take off your toga and get into this pair of work jeans that had washed on the shore." "Ok..." "Now, put this shirt on please, but first, tape your boobs so that they're flat." "What... ok, I'd say I'd do anything," she said lovingly. "Now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it." She was kind of confused, but non the less she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. "Now I'd like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache." "Ok... if this is what you want..." she muttered. "Now, please put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach, I'll catch up to you in a bit," he said a bit excited... she started walking, wondering and doubting herself. She was confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was him? Suddenly, the guy grabs her by her shoulder, turns her around, and says:
"Man! You won't believe WHO I've been sleeping with for the past 6 months!"
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
Chủ Nhật, 27 tháng 12, 2020
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