A Calcu-now.
Thứ Tư, 30 tháng 12, 2020
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"
"New Zealand, sir." the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager. "My wife is from New Zealand!"
"Really?" replied the boy. "Who did she play for?"
A man goes on vacation to Israel with his wife and his stepmother.
While in Israel, his stepmother died at the hotel.
The people there told him:
"Sir, if you want to bury her back in the United States, it's going to cost you $5,000 to bring back her corpse. But since she died at the hotel, we can do the funeral here in Israel for free.
The man immediately refused and said he would pay the $5,000 fee to do the funeral back home.
When in the USA, his wife came up to him and said:
"I really love what you just did for my mom. That proves me that you actually loved my mother and you respected her"
Man: Babe, are you crazy?! Those Israelis are the same people who buried Jesus and three days later he came back to life. I'm not about to take that risk with your mother.
Can jokes be sentimental?
A man is sitting next to the crib of his newborn baby. From the other room his father comes in and lays a hand on his shoulder.
"You did real good, son. You're going to make a great dad."
The son looks up and smiles with a bit of anxiety in his voice. "Thanks, Dad. I really hope so."
The father pulls out a small book from his back pocket and hands it to his son. "Now that you're a dad, I want you to have this. I studied it for the first year of your life and memorized every single one. I want you to use it for my grandson."
"The son looks at the cover which is titled 1000 Dad Jokes To Annoy Your Kids."
The son looks up at his father with tears in his eyes. "Dad...I'm honored."
The father smiles. "Hello, honored. I'm, Dad.
An American, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are flying together in a small plane
The American gets up, goes to the window (it's not that small a plane) pulls a wad of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window.
"In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away."
The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window.
"In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!"
The Ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him out the window.
"In Ukraine, we have plenty of Russians!"
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