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Thứ Tư, 6 tháng 1, 2021
My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Officer: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.
Officer: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?
Husband : A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 .with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
OFFICER : Take it easy sir, We'll find your truck.
The engine on the airplane sputters to a stop
The captain comes over the intercom. "Attention passengers we've had a minor problem with one of our engines but we have three more and will only be a little late arriving at our destination". A short while later another engine grinds to a halt with a small train of smoke coming from it. Again the captain comes on the intercom. "Attention passengers We are continuing to have minor technical issues with our engines but we have two fully functional engines and will now be an hour late to our destination." Passengers begin to grumble but hope for the best. The third engine also stops and very quickly the captain comes over the intercom. Attention passengers we are down to one engine and are looking for and open runway for maintenance" One of the passengers stands up and says "thank God that fourth engine didn't go otherwise we would be stuck up here all day".
An old man is eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walk in.
The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man's pancakes.
The second biker spits out his tobacco in the old man's coffee.
The third biker takes the entire meal and shoves it off the table.
The old man, without saying so much as a word, gets up, pays the waitress, and exits the diner. The bikers laugh and sit at the old man's table. "Not much of a man, was he?" says one of the bikers.
"Not much of a driver either," says the waitress. "That man just drove his 16-wheeler over three bikes."
Cancer!
Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately
Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...
Karen: Don't give me this lab nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches, and healing crystals all my life, and they never let me down. Now, will you do things my way, or do I need to talk to the hospital management?
Doctor: Sure, sure, lady. We'll do things your way. Does an astrology-based approach work for you?
Karen: That's better! Of course, it would!
Doctor: What's your birth sign?
Karen: Cancer.
Doctor: Well what a fucking coincidence.
PS: it's my Cake day, I am Cancer (July), I am a doctor, I hate quacks! It fits.
A lot of people are roasting Cleaver on saying "Awoman"...
I mean, I know that "Amen" comes from Hebrew and means "so be it", and therefore "Awoman" would make no sense in Hebrew.
In Shebrew, however, it makes complete sense!!!
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