My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

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A marine comes back from vietnam after fighting for a year.

He is sent to the pentagon. The pentagon asks him: Do you want to get anything for your sacrifices?

The marine says: I want a dollar for every inch from the tip of my penis to my balls.

The pentagos says: You sure you don't want something else?

The marine says: No sir.

One of the generals takes a ruler and starts to measure. But he does not find the balls.

General:Where are your balls soldier?

Marine: In vietnam

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Americans: "This is not who we are."

ⓘ This claim is disputed

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You should always knock on the fridge door before opening it

Just in case there's a salad dressing

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Husband gets home and tells his wife

"quick, get me a beer before it starts."

She gets the beer. He chugs it and says "quick, get me another before it starts."

She obliges. Husband again chugs it and says "quick, get me another beer before it starts."

The wife replies "if you want another beer you lazy bastard get your fat ass up and get it yourself!"

Husband murmurs "shit, it started."

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They shouldn’t have called it zoom

Co-vid woulda been a better name

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Due to travel restrictions, the USA had to organise a coup at home this year.

(not my joke, the credit should go to u/modesty_blaise0 on twitter)

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