Pence: The fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet
Chủ Nhật, 10 tháng 1, 2021
These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms
These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn the lights out. The guys are so drunk the won't know the difference.
30 minutes later the fellas are back out on the street. The first drunk says "my girl was passed out. She never made a peep." The second drunk shouts, "my was dead. She never moved a muscle!"
The third drunk leans in and whispers conspiratorially, "thems was witches."
"Witches?" The other two day in unison.
"Yep! I bit mine on the ass and she farted in my face and flew out the window!"
Thứ Bảy, 9 tháng 1, 2021
A teacher gives her young students an assignment.
Use the word 'contagious' in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow.
The next day all the kids are raising their hand. The teacher calls on Susie.
Susie says, "My little brother has the flu and if he sneezes on me I will get sick because he is contagious."
The teacher replies, "Very good Susie!"
The teacher calls on Timmy. Timmy says, "When I was younger I had chicken pox and all other moms brought their kids over so I could give them chicken pox too because it was good that I was contagious."
The teacher says, "That's another good one!"
Little Johnny is raising his hand and the teacher hesitates but reluctantly calls on him.
Little Johnny says, "This weekend our neighbor finally painted her old fence. My dad said it was about time, it took the cunt ages."
My grandad told this one to his friend and I kinda overheard it and knew where it should belong
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
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