Until I rode pasta.
Thứ Bảy, 16 tháng 1, 2021
Thứ Sáu, 15 tháng 1, 2021
A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…
Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."
He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."
She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.
She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.
They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.
She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30, or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.
Only this time, she plays left-handed.
The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They're totally amazed.
They can't figure her out.
She's very pleasant and a gracious winner.
They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.
However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.
They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous." she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group
Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.
"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending way too much time lining up their putts, always in the sand traps...and they don't see us trying to play through!"
The pro says, "Well, you see, last year there was an awful fire at the clubhouse. And these four firemen were injured fighting the blaze. They all lost their eyesight! Well, since they did so much to save us, the least we can do is let them golf here whenever they want to."
The doctor says, "Oh, that's horrible! You know, I know a lot of good eye doctors. I'm sure they can do something to help restore their sight."
The lawyer says, "Hmm, I wonder if their masks were defective. I can probably file a huge lawsuit against the manufacturers. Pro bono!"
The priest says, "They are saints! I will pray for them and use their story as an example of courage and selflessness in my next sermon."
The engineer asks, "Why don't they play at night?"
I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner
It wasn’t so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.
I guess more just grain.
Fermented grain.
Distilled, fermented grain.
I had whisky for dinner tonight.
500 bricks on a plane
Q. There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many left?
A. 499
Q. What are the 3 simple steps of putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.
Q. What are the 4 simple steps of putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A. Open refrigerator, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close refrigerator.
Q. It's the lions birthday and he invites everyone in the jungle. Everyone turns up but one animal, what animal is it and why?
A. The giraffe, he's in the refrigerator.
Q. Sally is an explorer. She is walking through a jungle when suddenly she comes across a crocodile infested river. There are no bridges over it. Sally swims over and is not bitten by a single crocodile. How?
A. All the crocodiles are at the lions party.
Q. Sally dies anyway, why?
A. She is hit in the head by a brick.
Two CEOs meet after....
One of them has visited Japan. So they are talking about how the trip was and one says:
"look I got this amazing robot secretary from there, it does everything human secretary does except 20 times faster and 200% more efficiently."
The other one says: "that sounds impressive but does she do... You know other things?"
"You're welcome to take her for a spin" winks the first one.
So the other one takes her to the toilet and after fifteen minutes agonizing screams are heard from the toilet.
The first CEO slaps himself on the forehead and yells: "Shit! I forgot to tell him she has a pencil sharpener in her ass!"
Translated from Slovenian so sorry for a bad translation lol.
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