3 brothers enter the hospital room of their dying parents who have lived a long life of exploring and treasure hunting.

Their parents greet them, and tell them of the last adventure they were unable to complete. “There’s a cave down in South America, deep in the jungles of Brazil. Go there and find the treasure we have been searching for the last 20 years. We know the three of you will find it.” The brothers leave to prepare for their journey, their hearts heavy from their parents passing, but set with vindictive courage determined to find this mysterious cave. 3 years later the brothers are hopeless, having found no evidence of such a cave in the Brazilian jungles....

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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.' The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever. The...

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I caught two teenagers smoking pot outside my office window.

Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two teenagers smoking pot outside my office window....

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What do you call it when you’re shopping for new eyebrows?

Browsing....

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A dead guy was brought into a mortuary wearing a very nice black suit. "I'm assuming you'd like him buried in this suit?" the mortician asked the widow.

"No," said the widow. "This is what he was wearing when he died of a heart attack at church. But I would like him buried in a very nice blue suit. Whatever the cost, please make this happen." When she went to the viewing a few days later, and her deceased husband was wearing a one of the nicest blue suits she had ever seen. "He looks great!" exclaimed the widow. "How much extra do I owe you for the suit?" "There will ne no extra charge," said the mortician. "Why on earth not? Certainly this suit must have been very expensive and hard to find."...

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Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right. Feel free to downvote me to reddit hell......

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Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

A tiny part of me says yes...

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