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Thứ Tư, 20 tháng 1, 2021

I can't believe how everybody's freaking out over that guy stealing Nancy Pelosi's podium.

He was clearly just taking a political stand.

A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.

The French exchange student raised his hand and said, "Excuse me Madam, but I don't know how to say fractions. How do you say those?"

"Easy," said the teacher, "you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is 'two-thirds', 3/4 is 'three-fourths', and 2/5 is 'two-fifths'."

"Thanks, I understand, "said the exchange student.

"Good," said the teacher, and then asked the student, "so how do you say 4/8?"

"Should I reduce?" asked the boy.

"That would be best," said the teacher.

"One-second," said the boy.

"Take as long as you need," said the teacher.

The Nude Gambler

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A Very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand Dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, “I hope you don’t Mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice And yelled, “Mama needs new clothes!” Then she Hollered…”YES! YES! I WON! I WON!” She jumped up and Down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all The money and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, One of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know, I thought YOU were watching!

You cannot RUN through a campsite, you can only RAN through a campsite.

Because it's past tents

The body’s organs were arguing over who should be in charge

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "I run all the body's systems, without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart , "I circulate oxygen and nutrients all over."

"No! I should be in charge," said the stomach, "I process the food that gives us energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "without me the body couldn't go anywhere."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the anus, "I am responsible for waste removal."

All of the other body parts laughed at the anus and insulted him, so he decided to go on strike.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the heart pumped toxic blood. They all decided that the anus should be the boss.

What is the moral of the story? Even though everybody else does all of the work, the asshole is usually in charge.

I have like 50 jokes about unemployment

But none of them work.

I was kidnapped by a gang of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me.