Funny Story

FunnyStory about animals and all around the world

Thứ Sáu, 22 tháng 1, 2021

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?" "It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. "John," she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later." "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on now," Elizabeth insisted. She was so...

Two brothers are in their room one morning.

The older brother says, "Billy, I'm 9 and you're 6. We're practically men. So today when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say hell and you're gonna say ass." Billy nods his head in excitement and they go downstairs. The boys sit at the table and their mom greets them. "Good morning boys, what would ya'll like for breakfast?" Billy looks at his older brother, who smiles and throws his arm over the back rest and says, "Ah hell mom, make it cheerios." Their mom turns around and chases him up the stairs spanking him the whole way. When she...

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."  "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."  "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"  "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."  "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."  "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"...

Rock, Paper, Scissors!

The police just pulled me over and said, "Papers?", I said, "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. I think he wants a rematch-he's been chasing me for 45 minutes....

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative...

It takes me five minutes to walk from my house to the pub. It takes me 35 minutes to walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering....

An Irish fellow in New York turns to the gentleman next to him....

“Well hey there friend! Where do ya hail from?” “I’m from Ireland.” “No kidding! I’m from Ireland myself! What part of Ireland?” “Grew up in Wexford.” “Wexford?! No kidding! I grew up in Wexford myself!” “Well what are the chances of that?! Say, what high school did you go to?” “I went to McPatrick High” “McPatrick High?! I went to McPatrick High! I’ll be darned! What year did you graduate?” “1979” “1979??!! That’s the year I graduated! What are the chances of that?!!” Well as these 2 guys are just flabbergasted at the chances of this meeting,...