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Thứ Ba, 26 tháng 1, 2021

If the USSR got back together

Would it be called the Soviet Reunion?

Friend: do you know that one guy who just cant have a conversation without quoting star wars?

Me: well of course I know him, he is me

How does an uncreative Redditor get karma?

Piece of cake.

I was cleaning one of my finger guns.

I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."

Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"

"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."

A Nashville man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”

The man says, “No problem. I’m from Nashville.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Nashville man to see how he’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the man is doing just fine.

“No problem…just like Nashville in June,” the man says.

So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Nashville man is doing. The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable.

“No problem. Just like Nashville in July,” the man says.

So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and has taken his shirt off. Otherwise, he seems OK.

He says, “No problem. Just like Nashville in August.”

Now the devil is really perplexed. So he goes back to the thermostat, and turns the temperature down to MINUS 150 DEGREES. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place (meaning Hell) becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deathly cold wasteland.

When he goes back now to see how the Nashville man is doing, he is shocked to discover the man is jumping up and down, and cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the man what’s going on. To which the Nashville man replies…

“THE PREDATORS WON THE STANLEY CUP!!!”

“THE PREDATORS WON THE STANLEY CUP!!!”

Now watch the Preds win it all and make me look like a total jerk.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for the fresh prints!