Only in England.

£800 fine if you are caught at a house party during lock-down.

But reduced to £400 if paid early.

If you catch covid at the party, the government will

give you £500 to stay at home.

That's £100 profit.

This country is absolutely fucked.

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I called up GameStop customer support

They told me to hold.

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The last thing my grandfather told me was “It’s worth spending money on good speakers.”

That was some sound advice.

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What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend?

"Same time next month?"

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When I was in college, I was rejected from every fraternity because I was circumcised.

Apparently, you need to be a complete dick.

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I called the tinnitus hotline

but it just kept ringing :/

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They say history is written by the victors....

But I've never seen an emu write before.

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