But enough about my day. How was yours?
Thứ Tư, 3 tháng 2, 2021
A Nazi walks into a bar
He goes up to the bartender and looks around seeing an older Jewish man sitting in a corner. He turns to the bartender and announces loudly: "A round of beer for everyone except that Jew over there!"
The Nazi turns to the Jew smiling nastily and is surprised to see him smiling warmly back. Somewhat miffed the Nazi turns back to the bartender and says "A round of your sweetest wine for everyone here except that Jew!"
Once again while everyone is cheering he turns back to the Jew grinning evilly but is shocked to see the Jew still smiling warmly and even inclined his head in the Nazi's direction.
The Nazi turns to bartender and says as loud as he could through gritted teeth "A bottle of your most expensive drink for everyone in this bar except for that Jew".
The Nazi satisfied turns around chuckling to himself and freezes gobsmacked seeing the Jew smiling broadly at him and waving.
Furiously the Nazi turns back to the bartender and says "What the hell is wrong with that Jew? Is he crazy or just plain stupid?"
The bartender replies "Neither. He's the owner of the bar."
Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.
He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every time the women walked by she shook her head no.
The minister asked "Why are you shaking your head 'yes' for men and 'no' for women?"
Her response was, "The men would say how sorry they felt for me and I was saying, 'Yes, I'll be alright.' When the women walked by, they were asking if the mule is for sale...."
Johnny sits at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig, and menacingly says, “Well thank you! Whatcha gonna to do about it?"
Johnny burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?"
"This is the worst day of my life," Johnny says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman, and then my dog bit me. So, I come to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve, and then you show up and drink the whole thing!
But enough about me, how's your day going?”
My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to do a threesome...
I told her, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'll go have dinner with my parents.
A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
"Don't worry;" says the doctor, "I'll put some cream on it."
"You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
"No, you don't understand!" answers the doctor, "I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."
"Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house."
"No, no, no!" says the doctor getting frustrated, "I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting you."
"On my finger!" screamed the man in pain. "The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."
"Which one?" the doctor.
"How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!"
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