Teacher & Student Joke

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in...

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“Doctor, I think I have ADHD. I can never remember where I parked my Ford.”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works. Man: But I keep losing my Focus....

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A man asks his doctor: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

The doctor asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?" "Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water." "Do you smoke?" "No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke." "Do you eat a lot of sugary and greasy foods?" "No, sir! I carefully watch my diet and caloric intake, and I'm sure to eat plenty of vegetables." "Do you go to parties? Stay up late? Are you sexually promiscuous?" "Not at all! Early to bed and early to rise! And abstinence is key." The doctor...

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer...

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The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted. The Mounties looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first." The second Mountie said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The Mountie continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs...

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A priest, an alcoholic, and an engineer are sentenced to death.

They are to be killed by the guillotine. First is the priest. The executioner says "You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down". The priest says "I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens". So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls rapidly but suddenly stops just 1 inch from the priest's neck. Given the miracle, the priest is allowed to walk free. Next comes the alcoholic. The executioner offers him the same choice, "Do you want to lie facing up or facing down?". The alcoholic says "I...

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There was a very, very unlucky man with a single testicle.

One day, he went on a plane. Unfortunately, a malfunction occurred. The flight crew announced that the plane was going down and one of the passengers had to be thrown out to reduce weight. To determine the victim, passengers drew lots, and the unlucky man was chosen. He refused furiously, saying "No, I lived a miserable life because of my bad luck and I refuse to let it dictate the end of my days!" Passengers drew lots for the second time, he was chosen again. He refused for the second time, with less determination. When the lots were drawn for...

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