A Banananananananananananananananana
Thứ Hai, 8 tháng 2, 2021
Do you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?
I read it in one book on page 37, on the 8th line, it was 16:23, Saturday, January 4, 2016.
Chủ Nhật, 7 tháng 2, 2021
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The barkeep says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophical statement "I think, therefore I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
It's my cake day, so here's a classic!
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a sex shop and started looking around. He goes up to the clerk and explains his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, strap ons, eggs, bullets, wing-wangers and fling-flongers..."
The Businessman interrupts, "None of those will do, I need the most top-of-the-line stuff you have! Isn't there something special, maybe in the back?"
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man nods, goes in the back for a minute, and comes back with an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Dick, the door!"
The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.
Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"
The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman, awestruck with what he has seen.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $1500 in cash.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pvssy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick got to work. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
A scientist removed right half of the man's brain and.....
...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten."
Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine."
The scientists then removed both halves of the man's brain, and asked him again to count to ten.
The man said, "look, we're gonna count to ten. We're gonna count. Because I know numbers, I have the best numbers. All the politicians in Washington can't count to one-believe me, I've counted to one many, many times. They said we couldn't count to ten. Well, I'm beating all of those people in the polls. We're gonna count to ten. Everybody, count to ten. Okay? And let me tell you - let me tell you something. I will be the best counting President God has ever created. We are gonna count to so many tens, I tell you. Look at that!"
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