Or did she?
Thứ Tư, 10 tháng 2, 2021
While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. After two days, the doctor tells him, “I’ve got bad news for you, you have contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US. We know very little about it."
The man perplexed asks, "Well, can’t you give me a shot or something to fix me up, Doc?"
The doctor answers, "I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We are going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not !! I want a second opinion... !!!"
The doctor replies, "Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ahh... yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid Amelican docttah, always want operate, make more money that way. No need amputate!"
"Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.
"Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself."
Al, Ben, Carl, and Dan meet at a bar every Saturday.
Dan is exceptionally optimistic. Every time one of the other three mentions something bad, Dan simply responds, "Could be worse!" This really drives them up a wall.
One Friday when Al returns home from a business trip, he, Ben, and Carl hatch a plan.
The next day Carl goes to the bar alone. "Hey," says Dan, "where's Al and Ben?"
"It's a sad story," pretends Carl. "Yesterday, when Al returned home, he found Ben in bed with his wife. He was so angry at them that he shot and killed them both. Then, realizing what he had done, he shot and killed himself."
As usual, Dan responds, "Could be worse!"
Carl is nothing short of shocked. "What?!" he sputters. "He killed his friend, his wife, and himself! How could it be worse?"
"Well," says Dan, "had he returned home a day early, I'd be dead by now."
Thứ Ba, 9 tháng 2, 2021
A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
- The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
- The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
- The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
- After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
- The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.
On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.
On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD to be done about John, he was just tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert him to be Catholic. They went over and talked with him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic.
They took him to church and the priest sprinkled some water over him and told him "Your were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist and now you are a Catholic". The men of the neighborhood were SO relieved, now their biggest Lent temptation was resolved.
The next year's Lent rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came and just at supper time when the neighborhood was setting down to their fish dinners came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! What was going on??? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was a Friday in Lent.
The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was pouring small droplets over his steak on the grill and saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."
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