A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time.

A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time

The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes. "What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said. "Don't you mean Polio?" "No, Tolio, it only affects the toes." Not wanting to ruin the mood the girlfriend pulled down his pants and revealed a severely discoloured pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had Kneesles " the man replied. "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." Again, not wanting to ruin the mood, she continued and pulled down his boxers before starting to laugh. Before the man could ask what was wrong the woman wiped a tear from here eye and said, "Wait, let me guess.....Smallcox?"

Read More

I just got a senior manager job at old McDonald's farm.

I'm the CIEIO.

Read More

"Mansplain" is a terrible word to use

because it has more letters than explain and is therefore more difficult for women to understand.

Read More

me: will this car fit 5 people?

salesman: yeah, without any problems.

me: damn! my homies have lots of those

Read More

A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out.

The son returns a year later and tells his father that he has converted to Christianity. The father is upset and calls his friend who is also Jewish. “You won’t believe this, my son David moved out for a year and came back and told me he converted to Christianity.” His friend says, “you won’t believe this...my son Benjamin moved away for a year and when he came back HE converted to Christianity too”! Both upset, they call their rabbi and explain what happened. The rabbi says, “you won’t believe this, my son Joshua moved away and when HE came back he told me he converted to Christianity too”! The rabbi suggests they call God and tell him. The rabbi tells God that all three men had sons who moved away and converted to Christianity and don’t know what to do. God says to them, “you won’t believe this...”

Read More

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is. He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologizes. She squats down for another go but farts again,

she gets up and apologizes again. Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying “yeah this isn’t really for me, I’m not having 67 more of those in my face”

Read More

Two Army paratrooper recruits are talking about their first time jumping out of a plane.

FNG 1: How was your first jump today?

FNG 2: Well... I stood in front of the open door looking at the Earth flying by and turned to the Jump Master telling him that I couldn't do it. The JM said if I don't jump then he would fuck me in the ass.

FNG 1: Did you Jump???

FNG 2: A little, at first.

Read More