Wipe his ass
Thứ Tư, 17 tháng 2, 2021
A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.
She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.
A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's left foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Island to inform the facility of the mistake.
After a long, arduous search, she finds an unmarked building in the middle of a thick forest. She rings the doorbell and, after a moment, a pleasant-looking man answers.
"Hello. I'm sorry to bother you, but my recently-deceased mother donated--"
"AH! You're Mary's daughter?" the man says, blocking the door slightly. "Yes, yes, she was a magnificent woman!"
"Yeah, well, in her dying wishes, it was noted that you requested photos of her right foot," she says, pulling out a photo packet. "These are the correct pictures. We sent you reversed photos of her left."
"Oh, excellent!" the man says, carefully taking the pictures. "Thank you so, so much. She was a long-time dear friend of the academy, and we are so grateful to honor her memory--"
The woman puts her hand up. "What's that sound...?"
Before he can stop her, the woman pushes past him and rushes into an adjacent room. There, projected on the wall, is a reversed picture of her mother's left foot...and a room full of people masturbating.
Enraged, she storms back to find the man sitting in the living room, waiting for her.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THERE?!"
"Look," he says. "I think we got off on the wrong foot here."
A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant.
The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, "Are you sure about that?"
"Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant lets him order ten shots of tequila.
Afterwards, the two men walk drunk out of the bar and run into two prostitutes, a blonde and a brunette. "Hey!" say the prostitutes. "Wanna have a good time?"
"I would!" says the sergeant. "Me too!" says the corporal.
"Are you sure about that?" the sergeant asks again. "Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant takes the blonde and the corporal takes the brunette.
"I must warn you," says the brunette, "I have the clap." Neither of the two soldiers know what "the clap" is, so the sergeant looks it up in his pocket dictionary. "It's safe," he tells the corporal.
A week later, the sergeant visits the corporal in the hospital. "Why did you tell me it was safe?" asks the corporal.
"The dictionary told me the clap only affects the privates," replies the sergeant, "and you are a corporal now."
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