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Thứ Sáu, 19 tháng 2, 2021

Guy visits his favourite Dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.”

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom. Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.

“Don’t worry, I can fix this” he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work. In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed. He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams. “Good as new, mistress!”

She says “This sub really loves reposts.”

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

In the UK, when you turn 100 years old you get a letter from the queen

And when you turn 13, you get a text from Prince Andrew

Did you guys know too much sex can cause memory loss?

I learnt that in a medical journal, page 34. At 3:38pm on Thursday the 7th.

A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.

Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

My wife is madder at me than she has ever been.

She tripped and fell while carrying clothes she just ironed. I didn't move.

"What are you doing?!" She yelled at me.

"Watching it all unfold," I said.