A kid went to his father and asked, "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this nice girl.”

Father: "That's great son. Who is it?" Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter." Father: "Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise me not to tell your mom Sandra is actually your sister." The boy is naturally bummed out, but life goes on. A couple of months later... Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!" Father: "That's great son. Who is it?" Son: "It's Angela, The other neighbor's daughter." Father: "Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your" sister. This went on...

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How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting fat?

When she fits into your wife's clothes...

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A man goes into his doctors after being assaulted by an elephant in the jungle.

As the man explains what happened in the jungle the doctor is confused. "Well, I can't see any injuries on you, so what happened?" The man responds "Well you see Doc, the elephant knocked me down and.... Had his way with me.. I know it's bad but can you have a look for me?" The doctor is flabbergasted and says "ok of course, pull your trousers down and I'll have a look" As soon as the man's trousers drop the Doctor recoils and exclaims "Oh god! Pull your trousers up! That's awful!" "You're right, the elephant has done a number on you, but I do...

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I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe

I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe...

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I went to a zoo and there was a baguette in a cage

The keeper said it was bread in captivity....

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What do anti-vaxxers do at Covid-19 funerals?

Stare at the ceiling....

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I have a lot of unemployment jokes

None of them work....

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