I just want to train myself to have a Hans-free orgasm.
Thứ Hai, 22 tháng 2, 2021
My crush told me that I'm pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
A few years ago I had a proud (step)dad moment I think this sub will like..
This was right after picking her up from preschool. She was usually a bit grumpy and I always tried to be fun and keep the drive home more upbeat.
Her: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
Five years old and already a murderer because I died laughing.
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, 'I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.' He turned around and said, 'So, you want me to stay?'
A man scores a hot date
Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged. The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.
Later on, the man and his date are having dinner. The man is in love with her, but is experiencing an increasingly uncomfortable pressure in his trousers. In an attempt to relieve the pain, he slowly undoes his fly.
Immediately, his penis lunges out onto the table, grabs a bread roll and vanishes back under the table.
His date, unsurprisingly shocked, slowly smiles and says, "could you do that again?"
The man, his eyes watering slightly, replies "probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my arse."
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